Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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