Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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