filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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