So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
