im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
