They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
