your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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