I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
