I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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