Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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