It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
