Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
