Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize