MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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