More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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