so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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