i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
