Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
