if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
