What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
