I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
