I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
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I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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