I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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