She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
