I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
