I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
