i need an iv and a liver transplant
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I touched a dick in church today
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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