awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
