The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
my poor anus
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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