i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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