I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize