just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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