Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
