checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
