I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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