so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
