so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
