Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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