those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
