can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
