I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
