But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
