"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We're too hungover to prance.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
