I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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