Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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