Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
