Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
