she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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