whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
