He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
