i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
