so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
