But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
