I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize