I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize