Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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