I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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