I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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