I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
