somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
where does the pee come out of this thing
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
