i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize