So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
