my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
