Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
