I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
