as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
