At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
