How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
