I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
