Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
